FALLENCRITIC is a 22-year old life traveler
who writes as a corporate slave
in the busy nooks of Ortigas.
Friends and acquaintances call her MITCH
while her family and relatives call her CHE.
She graduated from the University of Santo Tomas
with an AB Journalism degree and currently
misses the classroom environment.
She adores EVERYTHING French. Yeah, everything. :P
Reason and emotion are her yin and yang.
She doesn't eat squid, lengua and kare-kare.
Coffee and chocolates are her sinful indulgences.
Fiction and surrealism are her escape from reality.
She's married to music, books, hoops and flicks.
She's a Parallel Synchronized Randomness freak.
Semi-extrovert, semi-introvert.
A daydream crackerjill. A stonewalled Parisian,
a frustrated singer and a discontented Catholic.
Annoyingly and obsessively inquisitive.
Hates fake people.
Cries more when mad than sad.
Will marry Johnny Depp in the next lifetime. XD
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
Interests:anything that stimulates critical thinking and something that sweeps off my feet sometimes Expertise:thinking with my pen in one hand. Occupation:Writer Industry:Media, Public Relations, Corpo
I know this would come as a shock to you (although if you come to think of it, I knew you'd have an idea.) In almost four years that we've been together, you've always been a great listener. You were the absorber of everything I fling off you, warts and all.
I've always found myself looking for you whenever I was lost, overwhelmed and overjoyed. You were my sanctuary, where I was at my most comfortable, most familiar place. You've showed me the way to meet new friends whom I’ve learned to value so much. Consequently, I have shared with you almost everything about me, even though we're at the mercy of the world looking from the outside. You've stripped me off of my inhibitions and let me be as honest as I could. Along the way, I've learned to trust you completely and love you in the process.
But no matter how we try to deny it, things have changed now. In drastic ways. As you and I did.
I realized how we've grown apart.After a long absence, I was so excited to go back home, only to find out that it has become a stranger place than I remember. Though there were welcoming arms who didn't forget the good old times, it was the unfamiliar atmosphere that made you more distant, withdrawn even. And I felt myself sequestered, like a little child who is pulled away from the dangers of the big big world.
I saw you, all made up and embellished with all these new things, which has also helped you attract new friends. There were pulses, minis, credits and you can now even store more good memories in stills and motions. You've always been very flexible and that's what I like about you. You've also made it easier for people to understand you by giving them the chance to pick and try different versions of you.
Don't get me wrong. I was really excited to see your new look. Everything that happened to you made you even more appealing. Although I'm not a fan of all these changes, I don't really hate it. I just think it made a whole lot of difference to what I was used to.
I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed. It's just that the Xanga I knew back then was so much better for me, for us. I feel like I don't know you anymore. When I first met you, everything was just so easy. I don't need to go with all the nitty-gritty processes just to understand you. But now, I think I don't even want to try. I know it's bad and I don't want to do that you. It's unfair but that's just how I feel.
I don't want to lead you on to something that I could not fully commit to. We'll only be fooling ourselves if we keep on believing this will work out.And I also don't want to give you false reasons just to make you feel better.
You deserve my honesty because we never lied to each other. And you also tolerated so many bouts of my insanity when we were still together.
The thing is, when I lost my way, going back and forth in the cyber wasteland and not knowing what to do, I found him.
I didn't really believe it but it was like love at first sight. He defines me in so many levels. I know he's different from you, too simple, too safe. But that's just what I need right now. I don't want to be in a more complicated relationship as relationships are already complicated. I just want to feel that I belong again.
Maybe this is for the best. You know how I suck at adjusting to change but it happens anyway. Those times when I didn't see you, maybe it was one way of making this easier for us. I admit I was cold. I should've talked to you. I didn't mean to keep you hanging. I just fell out of it.
And for that, I'm sorry.
But don't think I didn't try hard to save this. Those little snippets of "conversations" we had during these last few months were nice. It made me relieve our fun moments. It was harder to let you go because, well, this is you we're talking about. You are special to me, in more ways than one.
I hope that you can find it in your heart to be happy for me. It'll be hard to move on but we can do this. We are both made of stronger stuff. And it was you who taught me to be tougher after all.
I hope we can still be friends. Don't worry, I promise that I won't shut you down. It's the least I can do for all the things you've done for me.
We did have a perfectly good time, didn't we? And everything good in this world is meant to be kept forever.
I'll miss you and I will never forget you. Have fun with the new you.
While I await the green light for our meeting scheduled at 2pm today, I decided to blog. Now, don't expect anything important or interesting from me because my mind's kind of somersaulting onto various topics that they never really came into print. I just realized (well, for the nth time) just how much I miss blogging. Or my blogger self. Or those times in between work/school and other activities when I just ramble about random stuff and voila, a new blog entry!
I realized that ever since I joined the workforce, I didn't get to be random anymore. I don't get to update my realms, consequently forgetting to share even minute and trivial cyber thoughts. I mean, I'd even kill for some nonsense blogging in between my endless deadlines to beat. Even those skimpy photo albums I maintain on the Web, whether on Friendster (*yawns*) or Multiply, they don't get any more recent than they already are.
I actually signed up in Facebook months ago but that's just it. I just registered and then...nothing. The bandwagon has left me. Although I refuse to jump in most of the time, I didn’t really want it to leave me at that moment.
Thankfully though, the gods of Internet (which FYI, might be existing or it’s just Neil Gaiman’s American Gods half-messing my perceived reality) haven't banned me yet for inactivity (Like the eponymous Yahoo mail accounts.)
And as a defense, I still get to do my "obligations" as a self-confessed Internet junkie by reading blogs (albeit anonymously), lurking on my favorite forums (or fora. Whatev.), downloading music and vids (albeit illegally *wink*), Twitting and day-to-day infowhoring. I don't even read broadsheets anymore (with its ink-splatting extravaganza), what with online publications just a mouse-click away.
Heck, I have the world at my fingertips. But the thing is, I don't get to share with the world a part of myself, as much as I used to. I feel like I owe it something. Something huge.
Hence, this entry.
Like I said, this is nothing important. I don't have a topic in mind. And I'm not about to rant. (Or maybe it's just the morning coffee drowning my inhibitions earlier, revealing my calm self). I just want to remind myself how it feels like to be blogging again. With the free time to write about stuff other than work stuff. When everything doesn't center on other people's achievements or whatever the hell our clients are thinking of shouting to the big, big world.
For once, after a long time, it's nice to write about what I think and what I feel strongly about. To write about me. (Okay, I can just hear Shakespeare hollering back, Hoy-day! What a sweep of vanity comes this way! Hahaha!)
I guess I’ve just grown tired writing in the third person. I miss being a bit self-centered. Anyway, I hope this isn't my last blog entry before the month ends. Cross fingers with me!
Most people have already written
out their yearenders way ahead of time. And some have done it in a way so
beautiful I could just stand in one corner and applaud for eternity (special shoutout to
Ade.) The year that was, for me, was bittersweet. There were unbelievably good
times and there were painstakingly bad ones, both of which would prolly take a lifetime or so to enumerate.
For two years, I've hold on to
the tradition of ending and/or welcoming the year with a prayer. It was fitting
for someone who is known to be quite a "pasaway" when it comes to
religious obligations but holds on to the
kind of faith she knows and trusts. Yeah, I'm talking about me. But this year,
I decided to break the chain, for the reason that I already went to the whole
phase of talking to Him in person. Of
course, I meant that figuratively.
Letting out your heart in the
shower while the water gushes over your body is not exactly the prescribed
Vatican way of contemplating. Pope Benedict XVI would have condemned me for sacrilege.But for me, it was the most liberating thing
I've done in my life.It felt really
good. I was as honest andas
straightforward as I could get. Kind of emo for some people but what the hell. LOL The priest who scolded
me so many years back during a confession would've been so afraid and so proud
of me, all at the same time. ^_^
Anyway, what I like about
yearenders is the expected trip to memory lane, a chance to review the year's
most precious moments. For some, it'd feel like time passed by so quickly that
they didn't notice. For others, it was a slow-paced
journey and if they could, they would ask for an extension. For a chance to do
something more, something better.
Whilst most people would take the
road to highlight life events, I decided to list down instead the lessons I've
learned that would make 2008 much better and more rock and roll for me.
Hopefully, that is.
1. FRIENDSHIP IS A MUTUAL COMMITMENT.
When you discover that even if
you keep trying to be a good friend to others, they wouldn't even move an inch
to be one to you, you begin to lose direction, purpose and initiative.
Eventually, the friendship would become just a
cheap show, with familiar names in posters and billboards but strangers in the
fold.
2.THE HEART DOES NOT HAVE A FACE.
One's goodness and kindness don't
need to hide behind a mask. They don't need flowery words, royal compliments
and a gazillion promises to move heaven and earth. They are transparent, honest and humble. What kills
benevolence is hatred. What nurtures hatred are good intentions in disguise.
3.LEARNING IS AN ENDLESS
UNDERTAKING.STOPOVERS ARE TEMPORARY
LULLS TOWARDS THE REAL DESTINATION.
Having accomplished a lot this
year, I still consider myself a humble learner of the many things and
opportunities hovering in the horizon. Time and again, I've wished for the
stars. And I've yet to reach even the farthest layer
of the earth's atmosphere. So, I don't shower myself with compliments and pats
on the back yet. Until I'm dirty enough to deserve it. :)
4. FAITH IS ESSENTIAL
Okay, so I don't attend mass
regularly. I detest some Catholic traditions and their stupid standards about
"the righteous people." But I'll bet you,with all I have in my life. that my God knows and loves me. And right now, I'm
doing just fine in His eyes.
5.IT'S HIGH TIME.
For my eyes to see, for my ears
to listen, for my lips to kiss and for my heart to open. (Naks! Imbento.
Hahaha. :P) Seriously though, it isn't supposed to be scary. I just didn't do
well last time. So I'm willing to let my guard down again. Hopefully, it will
not be for nought.
Hello Xanga and all of its minions! You're probably all wondering what I've been doing and if ever I'm still bound to come back in the cyberworld. I've never really been out. At least, out there somewhere, lost and transfixed, the electric sheep is dreaming of my face.
Okay, that's weird. Anyway...
I guess, just like the Writers Guild of America, I'm kind of in a strike. It's not so much my personal choice, really. And I guess it's not so much a strike if it's just one person doing it. Or is it? Oh what the hell!
I'm just, you know here, there and everywhere trying to deal with circumstances way beyond my control.
Or maybe...
I just don't have that good enough of an excuse. :D
Well, if someone somehow got lost and passed by this empty abode which has not been updated since godknowswhen I just want you to know that I'll be back soon.
For now if someone wants to have short updates about my life not that it's gonna be worth your while or anything or that you're the tiniest tad interested please visit www.twitter.com/mitch23
Hear me blab in short sentences because that's what I can afford as of the moment or at least before Christmas.
I'll be back with my long rants and raves soon. Bear with me, friends! I'll find my way here again, because there's no place like home. :)
